i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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