So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
