dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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