fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
