I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
