i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
