Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
