absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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