I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
