somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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