Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
