Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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