Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sarcasm needs its own font
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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