Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
