I'm so fucking centered right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
