it was like fucking gandolphs beard
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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