Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
