I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
