So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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