please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
