i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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