I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
