I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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