You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
