Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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