Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
