no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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