her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
