things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
