last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
