Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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