I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
