evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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