Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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