This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
