Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
