halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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