Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
