does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
