Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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