Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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