I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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