I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
