To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Who put my cat in the fridge?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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