I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
