I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
is it fun? or sober?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
