My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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