Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
