if only i could text you this smell
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize