Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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