You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
