he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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