a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
