Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
