I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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