Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
