i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
